For the past year, well more than a year, life has been very difficult financially. In addition to this becoming a rather large stressor in day to day life, I have realized that it majorly effects some other areas as well. I truly believe it has contributed to this feeling of stagnancy for me.

For a time, a phase, I need to be content where I am at in order to get on my feet again. Though there is a goal, hopefully an end in sight, I still need to be content in the now.

I have been spending some time this week trying to figure out why I do not, as often as I used to, do many of the things I love to do. What is it that holds me in this state of stagnancy that I am feeling?

I fear the reasoning is a combination of loss of hopes and dreams during this phase combined with this need to feel content where I am at. Reading has always brought out this burning desire to travel and see parts of the world where my books take place. This dream of travelling is not currently an attainable one so I squelch it in hopes to stay content where I am. I don’t read, or at least I don’t read beautiful novels, in the hopes that I can stay content for now. If I stay content, I can make it through this time, but what happens if my contentedness leads to apathy and stagnancy? This isn’t what I want to end up with!

So I suppose I am now going to have to learn balance. A balance of contentedness yet keeping in mind that this is a phase in my life and it is acceptable, or even good, to yearn for the hopes and dreams that I truly want to accomplish at some point in my life.

Side note:

I looked up the definition to squelch because even though this was the first word that came to mind, I wanted to make sure the context did indeed make sense.

Squelch: to strike or press with crushing force; crush down; squash.

Yup, that’s right, that is  exactly what I feel I do to these desires.

One thought on “Stagnancy

  1. You are learning young grasshopper. 😉 To reach a happy tomorrow, you must first start with a happy today. I swear that was on a fortune cookie…hmmm.

    Enough of that BS- be happy for what you have, but don’t ever forget what more you want and don’t be afraid to try to reach for it. Your real friends will be there to hold you up and help you reach those things.

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