What did I just do?

For years I have been hemming and hawing over going back to school.  I’ll hold the thought in my brain for a time and then just plain fail to do anything about it, hence never going back to school.  It isn’t apathy even though it looks like it.  It is sheer terror!  The first go ’round went terribly and the thought of not completing a degree after starting would be way too much of a blow on my self esteem.  The fact of the matter is, I CAN go back to school and I can complete classes, I am a smart girl and am in a better situation with better motivation to do it than I have ever had.  Enough with being terrified over it already.  It sure won’t complete itself.  Furthermore I can take classes for free, and I can take just one class at a time.  No reason I can’t.

So, today, more than eight years after my first attempt, I applied to go back to school in the fall and sent out a request for transcripts.  The whole of my college career I barely remember, and only remember it being a very confusing time for me.  I know I didn’t do well in school, I also know it wasn’t because I couldn’t.  The environment, timing, and subjects were ALL WRONG!

I do think I will do well this time.  I can work at my own pace.  I now have great motivation, the betterment of not only myself but my daughter as well.  I have to spend my own money on application fees and books, though tuition is free, and I know if I am shelling out the dough, I will want to get a decent return on my money.   I am more focused than I have ever been in my life, less distractible, and this can only help.  I have people in my life who can help me with study tips if I get stuck.  It cannot help but go better than the last attempt.

The idea at this point is to go back to school to teach.  Perhaps high school English.  I do love to read and write and it is a subject that I believe I could be good at.  I know I would prefer to teach high school students rather than young children.  It is also a matter of practicality.  I would be off during the summers with my daughter and in school around the hours she is in school.  As a single mother, this makes sense to me.   Furthermore, I may just be egotistical but I had some fairly horrid high school English teachers and I contest that I could do way better than that!  (and I had one great one and hope to be like him!)

So….onward and upward!

4 thoughts on “What did I just do?

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