(To readers, I had a giggle because I wrote “dead J” rather than dear J, which would have about covered my attitude, freudian slip! Also, please know this is not “trouble in paradise” just a gripe, I’ll have raves to read too.)
When you called last night to see if I could do you a couple favors, please understand that my lack of enthusiasm in no way reflects how I feel about you. I love to do small things for you that perhaps you aren’t the best at because that is just the type of person I am. In addition to that, when you do small favors for me, I assure you it does not go unnoticed. I do realize that we both care for each other and because of that we take care of each other. It is a good relationship.
Because it is a good relationship, and because we have always tried to be honest with each other, please do not, in the future, push me to make promises I cannot keep. Please keep in mind your own situation in all its difference from mine. You, a single man with no children on a long holiday vacation from work, me with a child, working full time and finals this week. Can you see the discrepancy? So please, when you ask me to do something and I say that I am not sure it will get done, not sure I will be capable of completing the task, do not tell me I am making excuses. When I attempt to explain what I have on my plate this week, listen and understand that my life is vastly different from yours, and as much as I would like you to be my top priority, it will never happen in the current situation.
Just tell me what you want and I will see if I can get it done. If I cannot, leave it alone. If I can, consider it a lovely surprise. Just do not push me to make a promise I cannot keep, because you will then be disappointed in me.
Also, when we decide to get off the phone and I tell you I won’t call until later the next evening because I am going to go to a knit night with my friends, please do not then get upset because I am going to a knit night when I could be doing you a favor instead. I assure you the knit night was planned far before you asked me to do you a favor, and do you really want me to feel guilty about the one night a month I have out with the girls who knit? Something you encouraged me to try in the first place? A night that I won’t have the opportunity for as I will have class that night next semester?
And finally, when you see the error of your ways late at night and feel terrible, do not call me to tell me how terrible you feel, because I am already fast asleep feeling no guilt at all about not making this promise to you. I assure you considering what is on my plate this week your apology can wait until tomorrow or will be fully understood in the form of a text message.
I do not think I am being unreasonable in this case, please try to understand. Oh, and that other favor you asked for? I did that first thing this morning. Taken care of. No problem. That was one I knew I could promise and follow through on.