Tour de Fleece day 5

I’ve probably posted more today than any other day, but yet I have a TdF update to post even so.  I am making up for the weekend apparently!

TdF has been going very well, I’ve not missed a goal and have exceeded them daily.  This is cutting into knitting time, but I am not minding overly much.

I finished this 4oz of falkland wool, 2 ply, light fingering weight, 330 yards.  I love how the grays toned down the pinks and I like the coloring a lot more than I expected to.

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I’ll be spinning again this evening, I am relegated to a WIP spinning project which won’t be overly fun, but they do need to get done!

To my ex’s ex.

Let’s get something straight right off the bat.  I am not my daughters “biology” mother.  I am not even her biological mother.  I am her mother.  Through and through.  End of story.  I am her only mother.  I have sole custody of her.  Biology only plays a small part of this and has nothing to do with this conversation.

Now that we have that straightened out, let’s talk about your role. You are not her mother.  You have walked into her life only 6 months ago and spent a very limited amount of time with her. Her relationship with you would be considered rocky at best.  Now that you have kicked out her father, you have no role whatsoever in her life.

Therefore, your desire to express how you feel she should be raised, and what issues should be addressed with her is the height of hubris.  But, frankly, all you’ve done so far has been hubris, thus I should not be surprised.

Your statement that Bug is “much smarter than we all imagine!!!” is incorrect.  I assure you, I know just how smart she is.  And because she is so smart, she can see right through you.  To her, you are desperately transparent.  She may be much smarter than you realized, but I know just how smart my own child is and how she understands so much more than most people think she does.  So, if you tell me she treats you with disrespect, I have no doubt that this is a learned behavior.  If you and her father spend all your time disrespecting each other, she will learn to do the same in that situation.  But because she is smart, she compartmentalizes and she knows full well disrespecting me would be a very bad idea indeed.

Now that we have established that she is a pretty smart cookie, let’s talk about how she defends her father.  In your presence, she has had to be fearful of the behavior her father and you have toward each other.  Now, she loves her father and has always known him.  And you’ve walked in 6 months ago and disrupted their relationship which was becoming more stable over time.  Who did you think she was going to defend?  You?  You have GOT to be kidding me.  She doesn’t love you, she barely even knows you.  Of course she is going to act in whatever way she thinks is pleasing to her father at the time.

And no, she doesn’t like the thought of you marrying her father.  Big surprise, I am sure she doesn’t want to see two people who treat each other with such contempt actually get married.  This goes against what she believes marriage is about.  So basically, we have now established that she is actually smarter than you.  And her father.  Combined.

But, I’d like to assure you that she doesn’t act this way around me.  In fact, quite the contrary, she asks me often if I could please get married.  And you know what?  Though you seem to think otherwise, she has never asked me to marry her father.  Actually, while we are on that subject, let’s address something else.  Yes, yes indeed it would be both rude and too late to “let” me be with her father again.  Actually, you are not “letting” me be or do anything.  My life is my decision, and I decided long ago not to be with him.  That isn’t going to change even though you seem to think that this would be best for Bug.

Now, let’s address where you’ve gotten it right.  You are right when you comment that you are not the one who should address these issues with her.  Absolutely.  Stay out of it.  You’ve no place in her life anymore so there is no need whatsoever to address anything with her.  You don’t get to correct her “misbehavior.”  You don’t get to tell her what has happened in her life when she was too young to remember.  You don’t get to provide the shoulder to cry on when her father lets her down.  Those rights are reserved for me, and I will be the one to take care of them.  That is what “mother” means.  That is what “sole custody” means.  You are none of those.

And finally, please, I implore you, do tell me why you think you will be sending her to China to study to be a physician of acupuncture “based on her interest?”  She is 4 years old!  She doesn’t know her own interest.  She won’t know her own interest for some time.  And, as smart as you have realized she is, I am positive she will figure out that China is not the place for her to study!  Of all the harebrained statements, I think this one might be the most obscenely ridiculous.

But you know what?  I really must thank you for this latest email.  It has given me insight beyond my wildest dreams as to what my daughter has been dealing with for the past 6 months.  It may not have accomplished what you expected it to, but I assure you it was indeed most enlightening.

To the neighbor with the touchy car alarm

For the past week, every night between 2:30 AM and 4:30 AM your car alarm has woken me up.  Now, I realize I am a light sleeper, and I am often wakeful, but since your alarm goes off for 15 minutes in a quiet neighborhood, it also wakes the Bug.  The first time it happened I awoke with adrenaline pumping thinking it was my own car, and completely embarrassed that I might be waking my neighbors in this quiet and kind area of the city.  Apparently though, you have no such qualms.  Or you have a much nicer house than I do, with central air and a great deal of insulation, causing you to not even hear what is going on outside.  For at least 15 minutes.  Every night.  Or you are a particularly heavy sleeper.

You bring back such fond memories of college dorm life.  Those memories of a roommate who thinks she can get up for an 8 AM class but then lets her alarm snooze from 7AM to 10:30AM.  Every single morning.  Or marriage, when he would get a call to work in the middle of the night, yet I’d be the one awake and making sure he got out of bed at the appropriate time.  Same alarm clock routine.

So after realizing this, you may understand that I have an overwhelming urge, at 2:30 AM, to get dressed and go find your car.  Imagine your surprise to actually find someone standing next to it as the alarm continues to sound.  Don’t worry, I’ve no temptation at all to do something to cause it to sound, I just want my sleep.  Sleep for me, and sleep for my daughter.  This isn’t NYC after all, just a quiet community of light sleepers.

(I’ve not resolved this issue yet, any suggestions from readers would be greatly appreciated!)

To the Cox Communications service dude.

Lately life has been pretty good. Funny though, how even when life is good, it is marred by small issues which are not your own. There are 3 in the past week and a half which have been bothering me, and so I’ve decided to compose a small rant about each one to get it off my chest. The first of this series involves Cox Communications.

To the Cox Communications service guy whom I found parked in my driveway upon my arrival home from work with Bug in the car. Perhaps you felt that my tiny driveway was a great place to park your huge service van, but I respectfully disagree. That driveway is my access to my garage, and upon arrival home from work, I would like to have it free for my use. I am sure, what with you driving all day, you can understand how tired one gets at the end of a long work day and how moody one might feel. Furthermore, I’ve truly failed to understand, even upon thinking it over for a week, why you chose not to park in the street when there was lots of space and the pole which you’d need to access to finish your work.

It was, as I mentioned, a surprise to see you there. In fact, it was a surprise because I am not having any trouble with my internet, and I do not have cable TV. But, when I told you to move your vehicle you kindly let me know why you were there, to remove a cable phone box which I had never used. Unfortunately, it was also at that time which you informed me that rather than you moving your own vehicle, I should just drive around the block for a few minutes while you finished up. Wait…what??? Did I hear that correctly? Oh, I did? Well ok then. I am sure you were satisfied for a moment or two when I drove off, but much to your chagrin I didn’t go very far. Rather I thought I’d surprise you as well, by turning around and parking right in front of the pole you were going to need to access. And then climbing out of my car with a notepad and pen and writing down the ID code of your van. If I hadn’t been so tired and annoyed, it would have been amusing to see how fast you ran back down my hill and into your van to move it. Thanks for that, but it was a little late.

So, yes, if you got in trouble for that little incident, it is all my fault. Let me tell you, your supervisor was MOST apologetic. Really you are both lucky I didn’t chicken out and call the cops right from the start. I do tend to avoid such confrontation and let someone else handle it. Next time, I will call them first.