I was asked to do a bit of research on candles. It had never occurred to me that they might not be safe.  There does seem to be a bit of research out there regarding paraffin based candles and their contribution to poor indoor air quality.  I then tried to find some alternatives.   It seems that soy candles are indeed a good alternative but though they burn cooler and produce less soot than paraffin based candles, seems that they still produce a light colored soot which is just harder to see. So, while being an all natural alternative and biodegradable, also apparently not containing the carcinogens which paraffin based candles do, I am not entirely sure that they are truly safe. Add to that the fact that to be considered a “soy based” candle, the candle need only contain 10% soy, the rest can be paraffin, and the fact that the instant you add a scent of some sort to the candle it ceases to be all natural. If one decides to buy soy candles, one should look for candles which are in a container or look like beads, as soy wax cannot form a pillar. Soy pillar candles are a dead give away for a candle containing ingredients other than soy.

So I have learned 2 things today. First that I now am convinced that paraffin based candles are not wise to be burning frequently (seeing as I have had the same candles for the past 6 yrs, I would say my burning them should be considered infrequent at best anyhow) and the “all natural” alternatives can be somewhat deceiving.

For the past year, well more than a year, life has been very difficult financially. In addition to this becoming a rather large stressor in day to day life, I have realized that it majorly effects some other areas as well. I truly believe it has contributed to this feeling of stagnancy for me.

For a time, a phase, I need to be content where I am at in order to get on my feet again. Though there is a goal, hopefully an end in sight, I still need to be content in the now.

I have been spending some time this week trying to figure out why I do not, as often as I used to, do many of the things I love to do. What is it that holds me in this state of stagnancy that I am feeling?

I fear the reasoning is a combination of loss of hopes and dreams during this phase combined with this need to feel content where I am at. Reading has always brought out this burning desire to travel and see parts of the world where my books take place. This dream of travelling is not currently an attainable one so I squelch it in hopes to stay content where I am. I don’t read, or at least I don’t read beautiful novels, in the hopes that I can stay content for now. If I stay content, I can make it through this time, but what happens if my contentedness leads to apathy and stagnancy? This isn’t what I want to end up with!

So I suppose I am now going to have to learn balance. A balance of contentedness yet keeping in mind that this is a phase in my life and it is acceptable, or even good, to yearn for the hopes and dreams that I truly want to accomplish at some point in my life.

Side note:

I looked up the definition to squelch because even though this was the first word that came to mind, I wanted to make sure the context did indeed make sense.

Squelch: to strike or press with crushing force; crush down; squash.

Yup, that’s right, that is  exactly what I feel I do to these desires.

I would describe myself as someone with a creative bent. But thinking about it more, I am not sure that I am that creative at all.

I can play music, but not compose. I can knit, but need a pattern. I cannot create something from nothing. This hit me while I was looking at some art, and realized, I would NOT even know where to begin. How do you take a picture in your mind and put it on paper? Even a true artist views colors differently than I do. Without a sheet of music in front of me, anything that I play would sound terrible. I am really not creative at all. I do, on the other hand, very much enjoy things that others have created and the appreciation of the fact that I could never do these things make what someone else creates all the more beautiful to me.

To all dispersed sorts of Arts and Trades,

I write the Needles praise (that never fades)

So long as children shall be got or borne,

So long as garments shall be made, or worne,

So long as Hemp or Flax, or Sheep shal bear

Their linnen wollen fleeces yeare by yeare;

So long as Silk-worms, with exhausted spoyle

Of their owne Entrailes, for mans gaine shall toyle:

Yea, till the world be quite dissolu’d and past;

So long at least, the Needles use shall last;

By John Taylor (1580-1653)